These are quotes that crack me up and hopefully they crack you up to.
- A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. ~Fred Allen
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. ~McBride Bloch
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. ~Charles Schulz
An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. ~William Castle
"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner." - ben
"Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated."-garry
"Have no fear of perfection--you'll never reach it." -Salvador Dali
"Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you'll be disconnected."
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'"
"A hard man is good to find." -Mae West
"No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not." -H.L. Mencken
"Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." - Winston Churchill
You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories." - Melanie Clark
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"What the world really needs is more love and less paper work." - Pearl Bailey
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