What Happens Now?

High school is a stage in our young life that we have to enter before we fully mature in to an adult and go in to college. High school is almost coming close to an end for me, yet i feel like i never want it to end. What will i do after high school? my mind is racing with too many thoughts. i know what i want to do but how i get there is the problem. We all wish things were super easy and if we wanted something we will get it right away but reality is that it's not. College is a step to getting that dream job that you have always wanted. It changes you physically and mentally. The best part about college is that you wouldn't have to deal with all that high school bullshit. People there have way more important things to worry about than to sit there and spread some rumors about you.The thought of college scares me. A part of me never wants to grow up and the other part wants to. I'm so torn about college that the thought of leaving high school scares the shit out of me. Everyone is getting their life in order, what classes/ community service to do and what college that they want to apply to.I'm one of those people who just waits until the time comes to apply for the college. Maybe i am having that newbie fear about college or maybe that i have been so spoiled by my family that college freaks me out. college means having to do things by yourself and not having people to do it for you. it also means more freedom to party and meet new people to hang out with.college is a place where you can find that one person that you might spend the rest of your life with. college is a place for adventure and learning. it is also a place where they make us pay 50 grand or more to get one little paper that gets us that job.Going out of state for college would be good for me. it would mean exploring who i am without my family, doing things by myself with no one telling me what to do and when to do it, and no one trying to boss me around or try to put me down just cause they are having a bad day or something. college is a really big step for me and i think i'm not ready for that step just yet. i want to enjoy my youth but i don't want to stay home forever i want to have my own life, pay my own bills and be independent. i hope one day when i get there i would be able to adjust to it and not make such a big deal about it. ugh, what i'm i going to do? i don't wanna go to college and yet i do. what do i do? decisions, decisions. only god knows.